his sweet self

My little one is so happy. I must be doing something right, cause his little face is always smiling :) I used to not want kids, but now that we've got him i couldnt imagine life any other way.

Whoa.

If you thought your house is messy, watch that Hoarders show on A&E. I looked around my apartment and instantly got to work. I couldn't get over the dead cat that had dried to the lady's living room floor. *shudder* Who says TV rots your brain haha.

Ack.

It's a bitter taste sometimes, life.

Reminds me a little of Ophelia floating down the river. Heartbroken and  slightly unbalanced, singing herself to that deep sleep. Maybe not to that extreme, but you know how when you lie in a bathtub and you put your head in far enough to cover your ears; The white noise you hear? I feel all muffled like that. My eyes closed and all closed off to the world, enveloped in a vessel of warmth and calm. One of these days I'll pull the plug and emerge from the bathroom with a towel around my head and a q-tip in my ear ready to take on the world again. But for now, I'll stare at the textured ceiling making shapes, and listen to the muffled sounds. 

My heart still aches.

Que Sera Sera... Whatever Will Be Will Be.

Ray Bowers Wright 1921 ~ 2009 Coalville ~ Taylorsville Our most beloved husband, father, grandfather and great-grandfather, Ray Bowers Wright, age 87, passed away peacefully at home on November 18, 2009. Born December 22, 1921, to Mary Ellen Staples Wright and Lawrence E. B. Wright in Coalville, Utah. Married Belva Johnston on May 7, 1942, in the Salt Lake Temple. Ray loved sports and played whenever or wherever he could. Attended North Summit High School and served as student body president. He also loved riding his horse in the countryside or mountains. He served his country in the army at the end of World War II and was stationed in the Philippines as sports director at a rest camp for GI's. He owned his own truck line for 14 years, and drove truck until his retirement in 1986. He was a member of the Teamsters and served as President of the Retiree's Organization for several years. Ray was a member of the LDS Church, and served in many callings. He loved people and was a friend to everyone. He will be sorely missed. He was preceded in death by: his parents; brothers, Emery and Keith; and one son, Robert J. Wright. Survivors: his wife of 67 years, Belva; children, Teresa (Marvin) Pace, Farrell (Lori) Wright and Stuart (Tracy) Wright; 16 grand-children, 13 great-grandchildren, and one brother, Joseph Lee. Services will be held November 23 at the Taylorsville 27th Ward Chapel, 2976 West 4270 South, at 11:30 a.m. A viewing will be held at Redwood Memorial Mortuary & Cemetery, 6500 South Redwood Road, Sunday evening, November 22, from 6-8 p.m. and Monday, at 10:00 a.m. prior to the service. In lieu of flowers please make donations to Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF).

My sweet grandpa, I love you.

You can't possibly know how much I'm going to miss you. Even though your still with us right now, you're not, really. I am so grateful for the influence you had on me. Taking me to church every Sunday of my childhood was some of the best memories my life. Coming home to the smell of cooking roast after walking home with you.Teaching me how to ride my bike, then later how to drive a car. You would always cut the meat at every meal, and sit at the same spot at the table. You always whistled and sang me little songs. You would always keep me stocked up in veggies during the summer from your huge garden. No matter how down I was, or how hard things got at home, your place was always a constant safe haven that I could feel normal at. Thank you.

Things are changing now, I know that. But I'll always love you.

Halloween

So Halloween was fun this year. We dressed Dillon as a pumpkin (totally fitting). We went to see my grandparents. I'm so grateful for them, they taught me so many life lessons. It is sad to see them grow so old and fade away slowly. They have had such a full life, and are such good people. I know that whatever is after, if such a thing exists, will welcome them with open arms. If anyone deserves it, it's them. 
After my grandparents we went to my in-laws to say hi. My mother-in-law Lyn babysits Dill during the week, and she's cute with him. I think she's more paranoid about his health and overall happiness than I am. But I am grateful for her help.
Then it was off to my families house. My mom made tarantula taco salad (very yummy homemade shells and pico de gaillo), this delicious lime drink mmmmm, and awesome apple cake. Good times with family. I hope yours went as good as mine did. woo!!

Sleepy, and just having a down right emotional day. (Not even PMS related :\ )

*Disclaimer - I have been dwelling a lot with the negative stuff that's been going on in my life, and I have to vent somewhere or my stomach is going to grow an ulcer that will burn my insides. So I apologize for being boring.I really want to write fun times and happiness, but alas when that's happening I'm living it - and I don't always remember to write it down.


 Home grumblings -leaving the baby has been hard, last week was a complete mess and honestly with all the crap that just happened to come up in the same week im surprised i still have hair. No matter how often I pick up my cramped apartment it never looks clean anymore, and I refuse to be a slob. We really need a bigger place, and even though between the two of us we make pretty dang good money, we have to many other commitments to buy that all elusive house. Coulda, woulda, shoulda. But I think we're doing it the right way. We're paying off our debt slowly but surely, and we made a goal to have it gone by age 30 so we can get into something that isn't a piece of crap we just settled for. That's 3 more years of renting, and three more years of hoping that it really happens.     

Mental Grumblings - I've also decided that I'm way too nice. People take advantage of nice people(or walk all over them). I don't want to be one of those people. I really wish I could project and have people look at me for who I feel I am - and attract people like me. It doesn't happen too often, and when it does, I feel alive.  

Random Grumblings - I'm tired of being accommodating and accepting people into my life that project negativity - People who lie and cover up their life to be something that it isnt just to make their life look better, when I can see right through the bull shit to what they really are (and no sunday school in Utah can cure fake).

I really REALLY dislike people that feed and breathe on uselessness  and negativity and decide it's their purpose in life to tell me all their worthless stories that do nothing but bring me down and get me worked up taking me to the edge of saying something I might regret. - cause I'm thinking it, and they are too, but hopefully they do something about it sooner rather than later. 






Beyond all my negative stress, I have a really great family on all levels - Primary and Secondary. I'm very very very grateful to have my mother-in-law back to bring more stability to my son's away time. My back-up sitters that bailed me out while she was gone - you guys are awesome. A heart-felt thank you. :) I don't know what we would have done without you guys. I've lost weight! 13 pounds to be exact. So now I've lost all the baby weight, and have started on the extra I went into it with. It's a long road, but I have a good feeling this time. Just gotta keep at it. 


Until next time. I hope i can get more in that's entertaining. 




Jen

Just thinking.

You ever wonder what your life would have been like if you would have made different choices? If you didn't happen to meet that person, go to that school, move into that neighborhood - would your life be the same visualization, or be the same person? Do you think you would be thankful for things the same way? I think of what my idea of what I want myself to be, and I honestly want it to be different. I want more appreciation for art and the things I'm good at. I want work to be fulfilling (I paid enough for the education to get there someday). I'd like a husband that bitched a little less, and thought more about the words that exited his mouth. I would like to wake up in the morning and walk into my own home decorated how I want it. And a little baby who knew his momma loved him and would be back soon when she has to be away. Patience is growing thin. Don't get me wrong people, or think I'm not grateful for what I have, cause I've got it pretty damn good. My life isn't depressing, usually. I just have my candle burning at both ends. And I'd like to remember that me is also we in more forms than one. I'm just so damn tired of being considerate.

cool stuff i've found online

I use a site called stumbleupon.com, and you hit this button on a task bar you download and it takes you to random sites. here's some fun that i've encountered there:

Resemblance

So, I've asked Lynette for some baby pics of Tom so I can see who Dillon looks like to no avail. But, flipping through the pages of my baby book, I'm pretty convinced he looks like me :)

This is me as a baby:








Dillon:

Books Galore

Rules: Don't take too long to think about it. List 15 books you've read that will always stick with you. They should be the first 15 you can recall in no more than 15 minutes. Tag 15 friends, including me, because I'm interested in seeing what books my friends choose.

1. Fahrenheit 451
2. The Red Tent
3. The Lovely Bones
4. Pride and Prejudice
5. Girl, Interrupted
6. Sybil
7. Bridget Jones
8. The Secret Garden
9. The Egypt Game
10. What to Expect... hahaha
11. There are No Children Here
12. Conversations With God
13. Yummy Yucky
14. Silence of the Lambs
15. I Love Everyone (and Other Atrocious Lies)

My sweet son

I am on cloud 9 seriously. This is it...fulfillment. I know all the efforts for school,my personal growth, love for my husband, spirituality is all bundled in a blanket in my arms. This is what i was missing. I am so grateful after all the things we've been through together already, he's perfect. I could stare at him forever.

If you get a chance, look up A Song for Sleeping by Stone Temple Pilots. It's a dedication to my little boy:


Finally Ive met you
The day has come
Youre more than beautiful
And youre my son

I dont deserve this
I never thought it could be
Quite like the moment
When you first smiled at me
A toothless, wonderful feeling
Like Id never seen

Its you, *Dillon*, its you

And when you lie down to sleep
Ill protect you
From the demons of the night
While Im watching you grow

Ill pray
Theres so much I could teach you
If you only have the time
Pray
Theres so much God can teach you
If you only have the time

So will you tell me the little things?
What does God look like?
And angels wings?
I dont remember these things
So would you teach them to me?
So for the moment
Ill watch you breathe

And when you wake up in the morning
And I pour the coffee
Youre always smiling sweetly

One event down, One to go

Whew... all went well, better than expected actually. For all of you that have been asking, I had to have heart surgery while being pregnant to fix a defect in my heart that was causing problems. The picture below shows the Patent Foramen Ovale (PFO)opening between the left and right atrial wall that shouldnt be there. Everyone's born with it open, but it 70% of the time closes. For the other 30%, most never notice problems, but some like me do.





So, to fix it I had Trans-Catheter surgery through a vein in my leg that goes to my heart to put a device in the space to keep dirty blood from flowing to my brain causing strokes (or mini strokes in my case).

Here's a pic of the device they put in my heart:



Now that i have had it done, i have gone from a 25% chance of having a full blown stroke to a less than 1% chance. The danger and need to doing it while i was pregnant is that when your in labor, matter from your uterus can be passed through your veins, as well as having increased blood levels, and my heart generally working harder...increasing the stroke risk that much more.

They wouldnt give me images of my own procedure, but here's what the device looks like in MRI images:



So needless to say i'm right as rain now, and after the tense emotional strain of the hospital stay all is good, and baby hasn't been happier. Now i can rest and prepare for the next big event...little baby!!!

Weekends are the best.

So in anticipation of Tuesday's events, I thought it'd be great to spend the weekend doing relaxing things: Tom and I bought a little gas grill and had BBQ Friday, we went to Tom's parents and hung out, and I got to spend time in the bathroom waxing the eyebrows (more like "eyebrow")

and doing a home pedicure.

Stress managed.

Hopefully this week will go by quick, and easy. And who knows, maybe lots of good things will happen.

Totally went to a bridal shower today for one of my best friends Brooke. It was really nice. Being there got me thinking about where my life is at, and how grateful I am for everything I've been able to do and share with everyone. Feeling little baby inside me and looking forward to all the stuff Tom and I are gonna do with him. I have a feeling he may be slightly spoiled (within reason i promise). No one likes a brat.

I just gotta get through the next couple of months. The most trying of my entire life. I found out this week that I'm going to have to have my heart surgery before I have the baby, and I'm freaking out a little. I guess with me having the symptoms I've been having worries my cardiologist enough that he doesn't want to wait. So now i get to wear a lead vest on my tummy during the surgery, have a fetal anesthesiologist present, and be mostly awake during the procedure because i cant be put fully to sleep because I'm pregnant. I'm not worried about the surgery, because I have one of the best cardiologists in America doing it. He's done it on pregnant women before. And i should be healed enough to have a normal labor (hopefully with an epidural...but that's a whole different story). Strong little guy.

I just don't want to hurt the baby.

On a lighter note, I'm sitting here watching to my best sense of helpfulness, Tom putting together the crib. It's kind of nice to feel like we're doing something for the baby, not just talking anymore. I do however, need ideas for pictures for his side of the room. We were going to do Where the Wild Things Are, but I don't know if I feel like ordering it off the internet...hmm.

Well, hopefully I'll update before I actually have the baby :) I'll let you know how the heart crap goes. Keep me in your prayers :)

ok so i commit to writing here more.

Since I found out i'm pregnant, i thought this would be a cool place to chat about family stuff and what's goin on. But alas, i am lazy and haven't posted in like 2 months. Well, for anyone that reads this, i'm gonna try to make it a weekly thing and as baby gets around to poking his head out, i will load pics and fun stuff here too. Ok, with that said, today my mom is throwing me a baby shower, so i will be sure to post stuff about that soon!!!

Oh the changes have taken place.

I'm sitting on my couch just getting over the stupid flu. Tom and I are expecting in July, so to have a place for our little one we thought it'd be the perfect time to buy a house. We've done so much research, and really thought hard about the decisions we're about to make. We know how much we can spend, and the general areas of where we'd like to be. We have a really cool Realtor who has taken us freaking everywhere. We settled on a house that was good for the money, and pretty big. It was in Kearns, but the house was newer and in my impression a decent looking neighborhood. They accepted our offer(like ten grand lower than the listed price). I was really starting to think I'd own a freaking home. But I knew i wanted to be damn sure that i was making the right decision. All of this went down yesterday. This morning, my mother-in-law saw tom while him and his dad were finishing up a project, and she asked if we checked the sex offender website to see how many offenders lived in the area. Way good idea i hadn't even thought of. I put in the address and come to find out that 13 offenders, alot of which have 1st degree felony forcible rape convictions, live in a mile vicinity of my would be house and so close to the school where my little baby will go. 5 men of the 13 live in a halfway house like two blocks away. I didnt think i really had any deal breakers. Its for damn sure this is one. I know I can do better than that, and I know that's all I'd think about once we moved in. It wouldn't be fair to spend so much money and work so hard to have it tainted by the thoughts of freaks living so close to me. I guess it's back to the drawing board.