Sleepy, and just having a down right emotional day. (Not even PMS related :\ )

*Disclaimer - I have been dwelling a lot with the negative stuff that's been going on in my life, and I have to vent somewhere or my stomach is going to grow an ulcer that will burn my insides. So I apologize for being boring.I really want to write fun times and happiness, but alas when that's happening I'm living it - and I don't always remember to write it down.


 Home grumblings -leaving the baby has been hard, last week was a complete mess and honestly with all the crap that just happened to come up in the same week im surprised i still have hair. No matter how often I pick up my cramped apartment it never looks clean anymore, and I refuse to be a slob. We really need a bigger place, and even though between the two of us we make pretty dang good money, we have to many other commitments to buy that all elusive house. Coulda, woulda, shoulda. But I think we're doing it the right way. We're paying off our debt slowly but surely, and we made a goal to have it gone by age 30 so we can get into something that isn't a piece of crap we just settled for. That's 3 more years of renting, and three more years of hoping that it really happens.     

Mental Grumblings - I've also decided that I'm way too nice. People take advantage of nice people(or walk all over them). I don't want to be one of those people. I really wish I could project and have people look at me for who I feel I am - and attract people like me. It doesn't happen too often, and when it does, I feel alive.  

Random Grumblings - I'm tired of being accommodating and accepting people into my life that project negativity - People who lie and cover up their life to be something that it isnt just to make their life look better, when I can see right through the bull shit to what they really are (and no sunday school in Utah can cure fake).

I really REALLY dislike people that feed and breathe on uselessness  and negativity and decide it's their purpose in life to tell me all their worthless stories that do nothing but bring me down and get me worked up taking me to the edge of saying something I might regret. - cause I'm thinking it, and they are too, but hopefully they do something about it sooner rather than later. 






Beyond all my negative stress, I have a really great family on all levels - Primary and Secondary. I'm very very very grateful to have my mother-in-law back to bring more stability to my son's away time. My back-up sitters that bailed me out while she was gone - you guys are awesome. A heart-felt thank you. :) I don't know what we would have done without you guys. I've lost weight! 13 pounds to be exact. So now I've lost all the baby weight, and have started on the extra I went into it with. It's a long road, but I have a good feeling this time. Just gotta keep at it. 


Until next time. I hope i can get more in that's entertaining. 




Jen

Just thinking.

You ever wonder what your life would have been like if you would have made different choices? If you didn't happen to meet that person, go to that school, move into that neighborhood - would your life be the same visualization, or be the same person? Do you think you would be thankful for things the same way? I think of what my idea of what I want myself to be, and I honestly want it to be different. I want more appreciation for art and the things I'm good at. I want work to be fulfilling (I paid enough for the education to get there someday). I'd like a husband that bitched a little less, and thought more about the words that exited his mouth. I would like to wake up in the morning and walk into my own home decorated how I want it. And a little baby who knew his momma loved him and would be back soon when she has to be away. Patience is growing thin. Don't get me wrong people, or think I'm not grateful for what I have, cause I've got it pretty damn good. My life isn't depressing, usually. I just have my candle burning at both ends. And I'd like to remember that me is also we in more forms than one. I'm just so damn tired of being considerate.