My little existential crisis.

I am so at this segway in my existence where I really want to cut the egalitarian b.s. and just be myself. I want to quit trying to make peace and be concerned about my family and our existence.
I'd like to think about us for once, and not worry what other people are saying and thinking. I know my husband and I are solid. I know what we have is special and unique. I have full trust and faith in our future, and I know he works so hard every single day to prove his love for me.

But there's something missing

A piece in myself aching to be expressed.

Faith... what a word. I have never been able to express in words what it is to me, and I likely never will.


This is so hard for me. The only way to explain is that my "self" is hesitating for some reason. You know how in life you go through phases? Like, your a kid, then your a "awkward" teen, then your at the beginning of your life when you graduate high school, then you're finding yourself when you're in your twenties. I'm somewhere in there. more mature than college life, but reluctant and longing for parenthood. Beyond Democrat but definitely not Republican.

I'm screaming inside to know what the hell to do.

I KNOW i can be successful at work. I am so fucking better than... I deserve and am intelligent enough for the best. I'm holding back.


For what? Help me. I need to know it's not some tragic flaw.